Skip to main content

HOPE in times of DESPAIR

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Have you ever prayed so hard and begged for something to God with all your heart?

Let me tell you my love story with the person, I loved the most. 

She was like any other, talkative, and sometimes grumpy. But above all, she was understanding and a loving person. When I was in Grade 1, she accompanied me going to school, and she patiently waited for me outside the classroom so that I could not sneak out and run to go home. I did not appreciate her kindness because I was too busy growing up. Most of the time, I neglected her efforts, and I did not even bother to reciprocate her love for me. I disappointed her so many times because of all the decisions that I made without consulting her. I know I made her cry when I tried to shout at her and answer her back whenever we argue. She was neglected all the time, but she still managed to smile, and she loved me despite my shortcomings.

However, an unfortunate event took place last January this year when she fought arduously for her life. I was lost when I heard the news; I prayed painstakingly and pleaded to God to spare her from danger. She cannot die so early. She has to live because I will still make her proud to make up for the disappointments that I have caused her. I placed all my hopes to God that He will give me this one special favor. Besides, I already chose to serve Him with all my life. I was confident because God loves me, right?

I was lost in darkness when He did not listen to my prayer. I bargained with Him, but He left me hanging with no answer. I was doomed, and I questioned His love for me. I asked Him why this has to happen. I questioned Him when and where did I go wrong. I left everything just to respond to His call, but He did this to me, and it cost the life of the person I loved the most. I was clouded with so much pain and regret that I could not pray anymore.

When I cannot stand on my own, the people around me patiently carried me through their words and prayers. Yes, I don’t understand why this has to happen, but God is so loving that He did not leave my side even I constantly questioned His love for me. I doubted Him but He instead extended His arms to embrace me whenever I sleep in grief and tears.

God’s story of unconditional love continues. I may stumble once in a while, but it is in those moments that I can purify my intentions and nourish the vocation that God has entrusted me to respond to. It is in those moments where I cling to God’s comfort and embrace. In those moments, I find myself bending into my knees and acknowledging my littleness before God. I know that God walks with me as I go through difficult situations for my inner healing. After all, He loves me more than my frailties and shortcomings.

The death of my mother affected me so great, but I am aware that God knows what is best for me. It is my constant hope that He will carry me to get through this pain.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tuliro

11.5.2017 - 11:51PM Magigising ng maaga, papasok sa school, dadaan sa Chapel,  magtuturo, makikipagsalamuha sa iba’t ibang klase ng tao sa buong araw, haharapin ang sandamakmak ng mga papel, kakausapin ang sarili, tititigan ang laptop, uuwi ng gabi, magpapahinga saglit, maghahanda para sa kinabukasan, iisipin kung ano ang gagawin sa klase, magbabasa ng lessons, tatahimik ng ilang saglit, kukumustahin ang sarili bago matulog. 'Yan lang ang ilan sa madalas kong gawin araw-araw. Paulit-ulit. Minsan masaya pero kadalasan nakakapagod at nakakasawa na. Halos tatlong taon na ako sa pagtuturo at masasabi kong masyado pa akong bata sa propesyong ito at madami pa akong kailangang basahing libro para maging bihasa sa pagtuturo. Kadalasan, may naiiwang katanungan sa aking isipan sa mga pagkakataong napapag-isa ako pagkatapos ng mahabang araw sa school, “Masaya pa ba ako? Gusto ko pa ba ang pagtuturo? May patutunguhan pa ba lahat ng ginagawa ko?” Pero tulad ng inaasahan, wala akong makuha...
Post a Comment
Read more

PAPA FRANCISCO NAMING MAHAL

Marso nung nakaraang taon ika'y ipinakilala Hinirang ng mga Kardinal at iprinoklamang Bagong Santo Papa Nagbunyi ang simbahang Katoliko, maging ang buong mundo Natuwa, nagalak at naiyak ang lahat sa pagdating mo. Bagong pag-asa ang hatid mo Panibagong umaga matapos ang mahabang gabi ang aming susuungin Bagong simula na aming haharapin Panibagong pagkakataon para sa Simbahang Katoliko Ika'y isang inspirasyon sa aming mga kabataan Inyong kasimplehan lubos naming hinahangaan Pagmamahal mo sa simbahan ay di matatawaran Wala kang pinipili maging sa amin na makasalanan Sa iyong nalalapit na pagdalaw sa aming bansa Na naturingang pinakamalaking Kristiyano sa Asya Muling uusbong ang umaapoy na pananampalataya Sa bawat isa, bata man o matanda, may ngipin man o wala Matapos ang mahabang delubyo Lindol, baha at malalakas na bagyo Alam naming muling sisikat ang araw At kami'y muling ngingiti sa inyong pagdalaw Aming munting hiling mahal...
Post a Comment
Read more

GRAY

GRAY Walking in the middle of a starry night Holding our last picture that gives me euphoria I glanced at the photo and hugged it tightly. But in an unforeseen way. Someone robbed it, and he ran away. I chased the culprit. I ran so fast I doubled my effort But I stumbled I stood up, but I was lost. Lost in a foreign place A vast place where there is nothing but darkness I screamed for help But no one responded. I cried in desperation But it was no good I drowned myself with hopelessness. But it was a reckless decision. I looked up when I saw a speck of light. I jumped with gladness. I shouted with bliss. But it was only a strange thing in the sky. I smiled weakly Boundless frustration I continued running Chasing the light Believing that there is an end to this suffering Yet, I know that I was fooling myself. Isolated with my own thoughts Disappointed with my beliefs And I decided not to fight any longer. Not to continue t...
Post a Comment
Read more